The 10 Commandments of AOL
(More blog entries from bbirney)
I am STEVE CASE, your LORD, THY AOL GOD, which have BROUGHT THEE OUT OF THE LAND OF INTERNET RELAY CHAT, OUT OF THE BONDAGE OF COMPUSERVE...
#1 THOU SHALT SIGN UNTO NO ALTERNATE SERVERS BEFORE ME, FOR I HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY TO ***** UP ALL THY CREDIT CARD ACCOUNTS AND SHALT DO SO.#2 THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF STEVE CASE, YOUR LORD, THY AOL GOD, IN VAIN IN ANY CHAT ROOM - I SHALT BOOT THINE ASS OFF LINE INSTANTLY, AND REPEATEDLY FOR ALL THE DAY & NIGHT.
#3 THOU SHALT PICK A PRICE PLAN, I SHALT NOT HONOR IT, I SHALT CONTINUE TO BILL THY ACCOUNT AT $2.95 per hour JUST TO REALLY PISS THOU OFF.
#4 REMEMBER THY PASSWORD, FOR THOU SHALT SIT ON HOLD FOR ALL ETERNITY, SHOULD THOU NEED TO PHONE AOL.
#5 HONOR THY T O S, AND THY GUIDE PAGER, THAT THY DAYS ONLINE BE LONG. (YES, THE BOOT THINE ASS THING AGAIN )
#6 THOU SHALT NOT SIGN ON WITHOUT MULTIPLE ATTEMPTS ( I AM THINKING AN HOUR OR SO, SHOULD WORKETH FOR THEE ).
#7 THOU SHALT NOT ANSWER THY IM's AT THINE WILL - M Y W I L L B E D O N E , APPLYETH HERE.
#8 THOU SHALT NOT HAVE ACCESS TO THINE BUDDY LIST - THE LORD GIVETH, AND THE LORD TAKETH AWAY.
#8 THOU SHALT NOT GO SURFING, THOU SHALT C R A W L E T H EVER SO SLOWLY, UNTIL I BOOT THINE ASS OFF LINE.
#9 THOU SHALT NOT BEAR WITNESS AGAINST STEVE, THY GOD, WITH NASTY LITTLE PETITIONS. I OWETH THEE NADA, I PROMISED THEE NADA.
#10 THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBORS I S P: THOU SHALT NOT COVET THE SPEED AT WHICH THY NEIGHBOR SIGNS ON, PICKS UP E-MAIL, SURFS THE NET, CRUISES CHAT ROOMS, ANSWERS IM's, NOR ANYTHING THY NEIGHBOR CAN DO ON HIS I S P. HEY - WHAT THE HELL DID YOU PEOPLE EXPECT FOR $19.95 A MONTH ? YOU LET OLE STEVE KNOW WHEN $2.95 PER HOUR DOESN'T LOOK SO BAD ANYMORE, K?
